Through the Bible

P.S. A short note: for the past several years I have made available to our congregation a bible reading plan developed by Dr. James Meeks that takes you through the bible in a year reading Old and New Testament on Mon.-Sat., Psalms on Sundays, and relevant Christmas and Easter passages on those days. If you would like one, I can email it to you, just send me your email address at timdanielsATcenturytel.net (replace AT with @) and I'll send it to you at my next convenience. I am not on my own computer (online) so I have to make use of wi-fi connections when they're available. For those at ICC, I'll ask Kris Brown to print it out for next week's bulletin--just read Gen. 1-14 by next Sunday and Matt. 1-5:16 to keep up.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!
The boys are out swimming on a warm day in Houston, one of those beautiful days when even the breeze is warm (to think...we also considered going to Boston). I had decided to come in and get some shorts on (we had breakfast out on the patio) when I found myself sidetracked to this keyboard so that I might give another update.
Yesterday we were well fed with the Word of God. The pastor preached on John 1:1-5, 11 and did a great job. When talking about the fact that "the Word was God" he talked about the folly of many churches that try to make God "relevant" to modern people. "What do you mean by 'make God relevant'?" he said. "Our Lord never needs to be made relevant. He makes us relevant." Amen!! Without Him, we're nothing! He began his sermon, "What Do You Want From God?," with an introduction that touched on the make-up of a modern Christian bookstore, where we can see what most Christians want from God. There are loads of "self-help" books, many Christian fictions to entertain, books on marriage, finances, and health, and a very small section of bibles, most of which are oriented around the interests of readers (a bible for mothers, a bible for businessmen, a bible college students, or teen girls--let's make this relevant--even bibles designed to look like Seventeen magazine) etc. And when it comes to pure contemplation of the glory of God, the exaltation of Christ, or the understanding of His Word, there's just one small bookshelf. What do we want from God? Really made me think.
What do you want from God in 2008? I have a suggestion--The words of Paul from Philippians 3:10-11, "I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead." Be sure you desire this when you pray for it, for you do not know what a year may hold in store. I am not suggesting that God is mean or cruel, or that He will refrain from doing His work simply because we don't want it. The Lord will, however, help the hungering soul to feed upon him, and you will need to train your appetite to seek its fill at His table instead of at the trough of modern pulp.
Biz is on a temporary reprieve until Wednesday--the proton generator was shut down on Friday for maintenance. By then, Deb will have gone home (with the kids) after a month away for a two week "visit." So far there have been no side-effects, but the dosage starts low at the beginning and grows with time. Over the next 2 - 3 weeks her discomfort could grow, so please keep praying for her peace and health. We continue in prayer for you all, as well.
Happy New Year!

Back to normal...sort of.

This Christmas has had extra significance for the Daniels, for several reasons. First, we decided to incorporate the ancient English traditon of opening our presents on Boxing Day (for you pugilists, this has nothing to do with trunks, gloves, or the WBF; it is the day after Christmas, the day on which people open their boxes). Our interest was purely utilitarian, however, as Lydia, Connor, Sam, and I (Tim) were en route from Seattle to Houston on Christmas day and didn't arrive at the Pogue's until after 9:30pm. The primary reason for its significance to us was, of course, that we got to celebrate Christmas together after nearly a month apart.
I recognize that many people (I'm thinking especially of soldiers and their families) are apart for greater periods of time and miss many holidays in a row, but I thank the Lord for this blessing of His grace in our home, made possible through the generosity of a number of friends. I mentioned in church on Sunday that this has been another display of God's abundance toward His children--not only are we able to be together but, unbeknownst to us, the tickets to get us here are all round-trip, first-class! Sam is hardly visible in the middle of all that space.
Debbie looks beautiful. Elizabeth looks beautiful. There is nothing of great consequence to report about Biz's treatment--she goes, she reclines, they strap her in, they radiate, they let her out, and she returns to the lounge smiling. She doesn't even have to change into hospital gowns. These first few weeks are quite inconsistent, with several days for Christmas and several for the New Year (shceduled maintenance) without appointments. We've been assured that these gaps will not hinder effectiveness, but we really have no concern about that because we know that the Lord has factored all of this into His plan for Biz. Some change in the treatment schedule has pushed her return date back to February 2nd, however.
Right now we're just enjoying being together. We plan to see National Treasure 2, go mini-golfing, and eat out at a Tex-Mex favorite. I've spent the last couple of days going to treatments, building Star-Wars Legos, and encouraging patience in little boys whose Christmas money is burning a whole in their pockets. Deb has spent hers going to treatments, giving haircuts, and navigating for a husband with so little sense of direction that it's scary.
I guess things are back to normal...sort of.

Problem resolved

At Biz's next treatment, it seemed that anyone who is involved in her care at any level was present. The long story made short: they had used the wrong headrest. A foam rubber headrest is set into the bed before the patient lays on it, and this headrest comes in a variety of sizes and shapes depending upon how high they want your head and whether they want your chin tipped back or forward, etc. With a larger headrest its easy to see how an otherwise fine mask can suddenly become very tight. So, with the right headrest in place, yesterday's treatment went much better. The physicist then did whatever physicists do, and assured Deb and the doctor that even with the glitch, the radiation was applied to the right areas.
The rest of us are doing well. I have yet to get Lydia to school on time...it's much easier when I don't have the boys in tow. We're only late by a minute or two, but this has been a cause of some consternation. May God pour out grace upon all you single parents. Lydia is also in the middle of semester exams, so prayer for her focus and her studies would certainly be helpful. Sam tells me every day how many more days there are until Christmas--when we'll get to see Mom and Biz. Connor is helping with everything, without even being asked.

I've Got Tough Girls

Deb woke up about 2am this morning, angry. She had been feeling sadness over Biz's painful mask experience yesterday, but now she was mad because Biz, who is a stoic when it comes to pain, had been objecting all along that the mask was "uncomfortable" and no one had taken her words seriously. So this morning, after a few phone calls to other doctors and friends, Deb decided it was time to come to Biz's defense. I cannot do justice to the story, but suffice it to say that in the course of conversation Deb would not allow the doctor to use his preferred term, "discomfort," a word he tried to use at least 4 times to describe Biz's experience. Deb told him that comfort is not the issue at this point; Biz has bruises on her face and couldn't see clearly for ten minutes or more after they removed the mask. Deb assures me that she was very civil and self-controlled, but the doctor now knows that she will not be satisfied until she is satisfied that things are being done properly. She assured the doctor that Biz will endure whatever she must if he tells her she must; so because of the trust Biz is extending to him, he had better be sure that what she endures is only what is necessary and appropriate.
While I don't know anyone sweeter, I also know that my wife has no problem standing on principle and continuing to stand until the appropriate changes have been made (I guess that's why our kids are so well behaved...). But by her assessment, Deb has never had to exercise such insistence and resolve as she did today. Please pray for her strength. We want what's best for Biz--that's why we're separated by a couple months and couple thousand miles. Pray that she will advocate well for Biz even though she must do so alone. Pray that she won't be warn down if the Lord wants her to be a rock, nor that she'll become an irritant if unwarranted (this was her specific request). Pray that only appropriate changes would be made and that, if necessary, the doctor would recognize the need to start from scratch with a new mask and a new computer model. Today they plan to try a shim but, since precision is our reason for being at M.D. Anderson, "good enough" is not good enough as far as we are concerned.
We prayed together at the end of our phone call, and the Lord brought us peace--and a game plan--but often the game plan is just my own and the Lord already has it all worked out. I trust that a better report will come this evening. This may all be just a part of the Lord's answer to our prayers for Biz's protection.

A New Superhero?

Cycle one has ended and true to form (and by God's grace) Biz made it through with flying colors--this too, as so often in Biz's life, by overcoming extra adversity. Deb's post-treatment phone call brought the news, beginning with her declaration, "Once again, Biz is my new hero!" and not just because she has the mask. It turns out that her mask was too tight! After her treatment, the pressure from the mask against Biz's face had bruised her lower lip and made her unable to see clearly for ten minutes or so. The technician took one look at the waffle print all over Biz's face and said, "We need to make you a new mask." So thanks for praying. Not only did the Lord give her strength and peace, he brought the hope of a better day tomorrow--literally. Nothing is too small (or great) for the Lord?

Today is the (next) big day

Many days in the course of Biz's treatment have been "big" days, and this day is no exception. Today is the first of Biz's radiation treatments.
In all she has 28 individual "cycles," as they call them, which means 28 days of radiation treatments--5 days a week, minus a couple days for Christmas and New Year's Day. If all goes according to schedule, which I surmise is not assured, Biz's last treatment will be on January 30th. Conversations with doctors in the next few days will help us determine how close to that date we should schedule Deb and Biz's return flight.
Deb will be making the daily trek to M.D. Anderson during rush hour traffic because Biz's treatment time is 5:00pm each day. The appointment time is actually a blessing, from our perspective, as it allows Biz time each day to do her school work, plus a relatively free block of the day for Deb and Biz should they need or want to do other things. But please pray for safe and timely travel each day on the madness that Houston calls a highway.
Pray today for peace as Biz did not much appreciate having her head clamped down to the treatment bed when they made her mask. It's imperative that she remain calm and still for the duration of the cycle, and if she has any claustrophobic feelings that will make it more difficult.
"Lord Jesus, thank You for being with Elizabeth everyday--including this day. I pray that today, from the riches of Your grace, you would strengthen Biz by Your Spirit to accomplish the task before her. Please give her a sense of Your presence with her in the treatment room. I pray that You would keep her heart at rest even as You protect the healthy tissues and organs of her body during her radiation treatments. May this all work together for her good, her healing, and the honor of Your name. Amen."

Joyful suffering

One of the minor sufferings that life calls some of us to endure: my kids haven't seen their mom for eleven days and won't for another dozen. This makes life a little rough around the edges that are normally smoothed by her, and makes the table feel emptier than just one person's absence. They also miss their sister. Each of the kids brings a different personality to the family and its hard to adjust when one part is missing.
Nevertheless, I'm enjoying the concentrated time with the other three. I get to home school the boys on some days (with help from friends on other days), and review homework with Lydia in the evenings and on weekends. We're also spending available evenings together watching the memorable Christmas movies, A Christmas Story being my personal favorite. We're being supplied with excellent meals from friends and neighbors so, all things considered, the suffering is minimized.
Telephone reports from Houston have been positive. Biz has spent the last two days (except for morning appointments) working for Charlsie Pogue at her office. If any of you have had Biz working for you, you know that she excels as a helper--very conscientious and proactive. The opportunity (and the money she's making) has been a boost. It's been many days since she passed the "tired of appointments" threshold, so now she just accepts them. I once asked a young Israeli if he was taking English classes because his school required it, or because he wanted to. He said, "Oh no, I want to. If I didn't, they'd make me." Preference has no bearing upon the subject at this point.
Deb and Biz attended a little church in Houston on Sunday, Christ Evangelical Presbyterian Church, only about 500 people. Compared to some of the mega-churches available in the area (even some good ones) it was an intimate setting. I was able to listen to the sermons on the internet and think the pastor does a great job (biblically-centered and doctrinally-faithful, and interesting to boot). Some people in the congregation reached out to the girls and plan to have them over to make Christmas cookies. It seems that CEPC may be a good respite for the extended stay.
I'm continually asked--and I do not mind at all--if there is anything people can do to help. Aside from being terrible at delegation (and asking), I really can't think of any physical need we have. Only prayer. Thanks to the generosity of MANY, and especially to the Lord who worked in each one's heart, I have even been able to write checks as the hospital bills come due. This was one of my early prayer requests, and the Lord has provided.
Treatment begins on Monday.
Counting down the days until we're together.
Considering each trial pure joy because we see our Savior in it.

Infinite Love

Yesterday I had a revelation...God's love is infinite. You'd think that, as a pastor, I'd already have known this, but in my case it has taken tapping His reservoir of supply to recognize this. I, of course, understood it theoretically and theologically, but my theory and theology had not been tested to the point that it also became practical. The obstacle has not been the Lord's abundant supply. Those of you who have followed our journey have seen His loving response to our needs. The real obstacle has been my reluctance to accept it.
Last night during our church prayer meeting I was listening to someone pray for my daughter and I sensed that I was becoming hesitant to ask God for some things. It was as if I was afraid of reaching the limits of grace available to me, as if to say, "Boy, God sure has done a lot for us so far. I shouldn't impose upon Him any more than absolutely necessary." What a crock! I never deserved any measure of grace! It has all come as an expression of love.
Within my heart there are always remnants of an old way of life--the way of life that wants to obligate God. I had been tempted to consider God's grace just an appropriate response obligated by the severity of our need. We've all seen people respond in this way--the more severe the need, the greater the sense of obligation to meet it. Picture an infomercial about starving children in Africa and you'll understand what I mean. When you watch it you're not really compelled by love for them, but by the severity of their need and the level of guilt you may experience at your failure to help. And when you've "done your part," the obligation has been met. This is the sense of obligation that I had been inferring upon the Lord's abundant goodness. We were the starving Africans and he was the wealthy American obligated to respond to the need. And it was getting to the point where He'd done his part.
So there, in the midst of prayer, the Lord impressed upon my heart to continue seeking Him in all things and at all times, because the reservoir is limitless. He never was obligated. He only acts toward us out of His love for us. Every bit of mercy that He shows us is an expression of limitless love. The Lord gives and gives and provokes us to seek more. He does not become burdened by our constant asking, but delights in opportunities to prove that His love is without end and the riches of His grace are free flowing and liberal.
The simple fact is that we can't impose upon the Lord or obligate Him. We can, in our pride, lower our expectations of the Lord, but He will reveal His love anyway. So...pray with me and don't slacken in your requests because our need will never exceed infinite love.
A brief update: I left Debbie and Biz in Houston on Saturday to come be with the Lydia, Connor, and Sam. Deb will have to help Biz (with the Lord's enabling) through her first and early treatments on her own. Then we (me and the other kids) will travel to Houston on Christmas Day to be with them for a week and then Deb and I will swap duties. It's hard being apart, but it is for the good.

Oh...did I forget to mention...

Biz's PET Scan came back negative. That means there was no evidence of her cancer having spread to her lymph nodes (or anywhere else, for that matter). It also means that radiation will not have to be directed to anywhere beyond Biz's sinuses. Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Big place

University of Texas Medical complex, and the MD Anderson Cancer Center, is a city by comparison with the University of Washington and Children's Hospital. We park at one building, sometimes take shuttle buses to other buildings, and even take 8 passenger golf cart shuttles to different parts of buildings. This gives the feeling of being on the very cutting edge of cancer research and treatment. People we spoke with beforehand said this was the finest cancer center in the world, which I did not believe could be better than the UW, but if it isn't, it must be the largest. This is not always a positive fact because it loses its personal touch--whereas at Children's Hospital a CT Scan was an individual event, here Biz was called into a group of about 7 women (all but her in their later 40's and up), led together to a dressing room, and then led together to the diagnostic imaging center. Looking at the women's faces, it all had a vague Auschwitz feel to it. Nevertheless, they were all getting excellent care.
Today Biz is having a PET Scan. It still remains for next week to take a field of vision test, an audiology test, and one or two more physician consultations. These have become routine for us, far different from our initial experiences when all was new. But please continue to pray for the doctors to see what they need to see and to have thoughts about treatment that are guided by the Lord. Please also pray for Biz's "human interaction." She's been spending a lot of time with adults lately and has only two little dogs for playmates. She could use a friend her age.

The conclusion of the story…

A blown alternator, and a chance to spend some time with Umesh, Nayana, and Arjun, who saw our car being prepared for towing so they offered us a ride home. Remember to pray for them. Every circumstance of our lives is orchestrated by the Lord.

Please pray about this, also: during our pre-treatment appointments we’ve been told that nausea will accompany the radiation, which becomes progressively more intense. However, in talking with people undergoing treatment there is a high percentage that experiences no nausea at all. Please pray that Biz would have no illness or loss of appetite during her treatment.

A day without appointments or test, for which Biz gave thanks when we prayed at breakfast...

The Exploder

The Pogues have an extra vehicle that they have graciously allowed us to use, a Ford Explorer that Charlsie has affectionately dubbed, "The Exploder." This morning Biz and I took the Exploder to a 9:00am appointment, braving Houston's Rush Hour traffic. We were listening to a message by R.C. Sproul when, suddenly, the volume grew louder and louder until...silence. On the dash, the anti-lock brake light came on, which began to concern me but as none of this seemed to affect the operation of the vehicle I just assumed that the radio blew out and that the light was always on, I had just failed to notice. Shortly after that, Biz pointed out that the tachometer read 0-rpms. Next the clock and compass began blinking, faster and faster, until they too disappeared from the screen. By this point, the car was running roughly and the speedometer had also stopped working, but as we were by now just two intersections from the hospital we prayed, "Lord, please just help us get to the hospital." As we were pulling into the parking lot Biz said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it stopped working right here..." which is exactly what happened. When we had pulled into our parking space it stopped running. I hadn't even put my foot on the brake to stop the car when the Exploder said "I'm done." I turned the key...no response.
This is a story in process. Biz and I are now sitting in the waiting room contemplating whether to get a taxi home. I don't have the Pogue's phone number with me, so...
At least we're on time for our appointment, and the vehicle is not sitting in the middle of a city street.

Another waiting room, another post

At this point, Biz's treatment schedule begins on the 17th. I had hoped to avoid a gap between travel and treatment but I was unsuccessful in my efforts. The upside is that they are planning for fewer sessions than we had been told at first (28 instead of 38) so her last treatment will be on January 30th. A tradition of sorts has grown up at the treatment center: families throw a party to celebrate the last day of treatment. With all these Texans around, I think I'll start planning for just the right Northwest Washington fare--salmon, crab, blackberries...maybe tofu and soy milk. With all the beef and fried food around here, they might appreciate the change of pace.
Speaking of change of pace: we are about 30 minutes away from the hospital and the highway that we travel (I-10) is in the process of being expanded to 20 lanes (10 lanes each direction)!! I guess that's what Texans mean when they talk about growth management. For those of you from San Juan Island: you've got to try this! But only once. For those of you not from San Juan Island: may God give you grace. For those of you from Houston, TX: the road hazard in the middle of the highway--that's me. Sorry.

Blog on the run

I have to blog on the run. Our host’s modem was just fried in an electrical storm, so I guess I’ll give updates from wireless-enabled waiting rooms. Most of what follows was written last night:

We arrived at our Houston “headquarters” at about 1:00am on Monday morning: the home of John and Charlsie Pogue. The Pogues are new friends to us, but old friends of old friends. They have a beautiful home in the Bunker Hills Village section of Houston, with an upper level that is perfectly suited for an extended stay, sort of like a separate guest quarters. Our trip has been a bit like traveling with a VIP…everywhere we go arrangements and greetings are extended to let Biz know she’s loved. It began with a friend arranging with the Border Patrol (we were on the sailing from Sydney, BC) to get us off the ferry first and through customs with no delay so that we could catch our flight. We boarded the plane for Houston as first class passengers—a complimentary upgrade. The Pogues prepared Biz’s room with a “horse” theme (stuffed animals, a huge book about horses, and a copy of the movie Flicka), her own little Christmas tree, and an Advent calendar (more like a doll house) with treats behind each door. When we arrived at the MD Anderson Cancer Center, Evette (our contact there) was waiting at the door for us and when she saw Biz she let out an expressive, “Ooooh, girl, you are just gorgeous!” That makes three times she’s been told that since we’ve arrived.
Yesterday (Monday the 3^rd) we met with Dr. Kornguth, the radiation oncologist, and had the treatment and risks explained once again. Happily, his assessment was more optimistic than the one we heard in Seattle, and so far his approach is more conservative.

The second most difficult thing about the day was the “simulation,” during which they prepared a mask to hold Biz’s head still throughout the treatments. Picture the black material that attaches itself to Spiderman in Spiderman 3 and you’ll get the picture—except that it hardens in place and clamps down to a bed. Along with that they put a cork in your mouth taped to a tongue depressor so that you can hardly breath out of your mouth—and of course the mask plus recent surgeries hindered breathing out of her nose—and you can understand the feeling of claustrophobia and suffocation. Please pray for her peace and comfort each day of radiation, a matter of less pain than mental distress. Biz finally got through that, so we're on our way to another series of tests. On Friday they will do a PET scan to assess the lymph nodes in neck. Dr. Kornguth would like to refrain from radiating them if there is no evidence of infection.

The most difficult thing about the day was hearing the story of Arjun Vaghela, a little boy from Seattle at MD Anderson whose parents, Nayana and Umesh, we met in the waiting area. Arjun is 6 and has a similar cancer. The greatest difference in our stories is that they do not know Christ, and so they do not have the hope we have. I told them that I was writing this blog for all our friends who are praying for us and that you would pray for them too. Ask the Lord to reveal Himself to them through this. They'll be here through Christmas, so we told them we'd have them for over Christmas.